Goodbye

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Take It All Away

By Ryan Cabrera

So much beauty in life
Shining on the outside
Empty on the inside
I get lost sometimes
Blinded by the flashing lights
Distractions always in my eyes

So i'm following the sound, the sound of my heart
Beating

[chorus]
You can take it all away
I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same

Are you hiding still?
Don't you want to love yourself?
Don't you know that someone will?
Time can turn it around
Leave it all and strip it down
That's the only way to find it out

Are you following the sound, the sound of your heart?
Beating

[chorus]

Coming in with nothing, leaving with the same
It's all inside
Coming in with nothing, the only thing that saves
Is here inside

[chorus]






Jingy, stay strong.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Isn't it scary how fast people can change their opinions?
Isn't it strange how in one minute, you feel like you completely understand someone, but the next you hear things that make you feel like they're almost a stranger?

Is it just me, or has everyone grown more and more distant?
The people you thought you once knew, they don't tell you things anymore.
The craziest part is when you don't even realize something's up because they hide it so incredibly well..

And then you randomly find out through other people.
You're left to listen to gossip from a third party instead of from the very person you used to trust.

Is this a sign of maturity?
That people have more and more secrets?
'cause if it is... I'd rather stay young. And immature.

Fuzzy

This week has most likely been one of the craziest periods of my life.
Not only emotionally, its been a mental and physical rollercoaster ride.

Nearly everyone agrees that this week was the most stressful in terms of school work. But try a calculus common test, statistics internal, accounting internal and a hiphop exam in one day...
Lol fully failed that "flip flop" exam. Mr Schumacher's prediction came true haha

Emotionally, right now I just feel lost.

Empty

Hurt

Distant

It's such a new feeling in a way. I feel like a part of me has just disappeared?
Hopefully things will get better....

Those of you who saw me today know I'm wearing an eye patch. Ha it's pirate day!
At Fendalton library, this little girl talked to her brother in hushed whispers, "Charlie look at that girl.. her eye..."
Good to know I'm becoming a celebrity :)
Even funnier is how people are so nice to you. Everytime I cross the road, cars wait for both feet to land on the other side before moving. Nice to know people look after the disabled :P

I think the strain of only using one eye for an entire day is affecting my other one... Things are getting really fuzzy for both. Lol i can't actually see what I'm typing right now.
Yeah, I'm losing my vision.
Big time.
Guess this is what happens if you basically stop sleeping for an entire week.
And everyday you feel like you're living a mask, when deep down your breaking...
Shouldn't be on the computer... But I just really wanted to let some of this stuff out ><
It's amazing the power of blogs huh

Hopefully after some rest and sleep things will get better..
My headache's getting worse so I'll stop for now.
Officially ditching facebook for a while. If you see me online, please kick me off :)

Tata

Awakening

These past few days have been one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride.

Today, I talked to the school counselor again, for nearly 2 hours.
I told her... everything.

By everything, I mean all the stuff that I've kept inside for over 17 years.
All the pain that I forgot actually existed...
The scars that I thought time had withered away...
Even my parents don't know about it...

I never thought that this day would actually ever come.
I thought I'd just keep it in, maybe forever?
Because telling anyone wouldn't fix anything...
Especially not to her of all people.
Lol, I don't even know her at all.

Tbh she didn't really help that much.
But what she did say, struck home.

Have you heard about the straw on a camel's back?
You can load it and reload it until it piles up into a tiny mountain,
but the minute you add that piece of straw?
The mountain collapses and the camel buckles.
I guess everything has just been piling up.

Keren asked, Do i regret telling her?
No, I don't. I've taught myself to never regret anything.
What's done is done. No looking back.
Maybe the problem can't be fixed, but I guess at least it's the beginning of an emotional repair...?

Right now I just feel so empty. Devoid of any emotion.
Can you imagine what it's like to bury something for so so long, and suddenly, it's just gone?
Just like that?
I don't know whether this is a release, but at least I feel... content? If that's how you could describe it...

But from all this, if there's anything I've learned... it's to treasure your friends and the people that mean the most to you. It's indescribable how much of a difference a quick hug or a word of support can make.

So to all of you,

Thank you ♥

Each one of you mean the world to me.
I know we all have our own problems, but if you don't journey through the rain, you'll never learn to appreciate the rainbow. Life's unfair, but that's what makes you stronger.

If there's one quote that I could finish this entry off with, it'd be this:
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.

xx

What would you do...?

What would you do...

If you suddenly realised your life has just been one big lie?

What would you do...

If right now you're faced with endless decisions, and either way someone will be hurt. Are you willing to sacrifice yourself or the people that mean the most to you?

What would you do...

If you've buried a memory so deep that you can hardly believe it existed? In the past you occasionally glimpsed into its pages, but now you've become devoid of emotion...
...Emotionless...
It's locked away and buried into the deepest fathoms of the ocean. Would you willingly choose to release the pain?

What would you do...

If all you're life you thought you could create a difference to this world. You thought you were some guardian angel. But in the duration of one night, you realised you are actually the most selfish bastard that ever walked this earth?

Tell me,

...What would you do?

Even better,
WWJD?

Rebel much

Today's been such a sh*t day..
Woke up at 7 for stupid Auzzie maths. Attempted a total of ten questions and realized I had about 10 minutes left..
Went through, read the questions and briefly guessed everything else.

Statistics teacher can't teach for his own good.. Every second teacher is "Mr Woolston Mr Woolston.. Mr W said this, Mr W said that..." Why don't you just get him to teach us then? Or even better, why can't I just go back to MSX?

Eco, forgot to bring any of my stuff.
Classics, stupid. Mr Walker's obsessed with technology and getting us to wikispaces. Lol funny thing is it's blocked by squidguard at school.. and he uses it... haha

Calculus, don't know how many times Mr Schumacher told me off. I felt so bad.... He was trying so hard to teach and no one was listening. But everytime I turned around he'd be telling me off... I don't get it ><
Okay I'll try be a good girl...

After school...
I won't complain.
But, thank you Alex :)
And honey, I'm sorry about getting angry

Like Liz said, everyone's just on edge.
Gracious, I cannot WAIT for the summer hols. And uni.
I am sooo ready. And over school.
I know we should be "cherishing ever single moment" but whatever.
Don't really care anymore.