Awakening

These past few days have been one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride.

Today, I talked to the school counselor again, for nearly 2 hours.
I told her... everything.

By everything, I mean all the stuff that I've kept inside for over 17 years.
All the pain that I forgot actually existed...
The scars that I thought time had withered away...
Even my parents don't know about it...

I never thought that this day would actually ever come.
I thought I'd just keep it in, maybe forever?
Because telling anyone wouldn't fix anything...
Especially not to her of all people.
Lol, I don't even know her at all.

Tbh she didn't really help that much.
But what she did say, struck home.

Have you heard about the straw on a camel's back?
You can load it and reload it until it piles up into a tiny mountain,
but the minute you add that piece of straw?
The mountain collapses and the camel buckles.
I guess everything has just been piling up.

Keren asked, Do i regret telling her?
No, I don't. I've taught myself to never regret anything.
What's done is done. No looking back.
Maybe the problem can't be fixed, but I guess at least it's the beginning of an emotional repair...?

Right now I just feel so empty. Devoid of any emotion.
Can you imagine what it's like to bury something for so so long, and suddenly, it's just gone?
Just like that?
I don't know whether this is a release, but at least I feel... content? If that's how you could describe it...

But from all this, if there's anything I've learned... it's to treasure your friends and the people that mean the most to you. It's indescribable how much of a difference a quick hug or a word of support can make.

So to all of you,

Thank you ♥

Each one of you mean the world to me.
I know we all have our own problems, but if you don't journey through the rain, you'll never learn to appreciate the rainbow. Life's unfair, but that's what makes you stronger.

If there's one quote that I could finish this entry off with, it'd be this:
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.

xx