Forward. Stop. Rewind.

Everyday I feel like I'm watching my own TV drama

One leaf after another, the pages in the novel is turned.
Countless moments of Dejavu...

I've been here before.
I've seen this.
I've read this.

Except it's different.
Because there's me.
I shouldn't be here.
So does that mean I'm put here for a purpose?
Does that mean that the ending will be different?

But how do I make it different?

How am I supposed to feel? React? Help? Change?
Mrs Dixon certainly gave zero guidance. Pastor, youth leaders...they talk big. But how can they fathom what's happening?
The Bible..it brings comfort, solace... and?

Feel like I'm walking in a blanket of mist. Can't see anything in front except more smog.

Sometimes I wish Mark Haddon would rewrite "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime", and add in a sister. Wonder how she's supposed to feel about everything.