不知道为什么
是因为复活节刚刚过去的缘故吗...?
心里突然出现一种莫名其妙的感恩...
对家人，对朋友，对上帝，对这世界的感恩
我知道，其实悲观的事情远远超过应该感恩的事。
但是忽然发现周遭的人个个都在为自己的生活而痛苦，自卑
难道我们就要这样活着，让恶气一直旋转下去吗...？
人只能活这么一次，为什么要选择用这种忧伤的态度来浪费青春的时光呢？
从小到大，每个人都经历过酸、甜、苦、辣
而在从中，每个人也真实的体会到了生活中的折磨，学会到许多曾经只当当耳旁风的道理
其实我常常会嫉妒
为什么她可以这么自由的活着...？
一个完美的家庭，稳重的收入，一群能信任的朋友
而上帝却偏偏让我经历这一次又一次的风波
但回想起来...
要是生活能重演，我还是会选择走现在这一条路
从中我学会了什么才是真爱，什么才是珍惜
我真正的体会到了‘家’的重要性，还有‘友情’这两个字的含义
痛苦有可能是一生的...
所以当你终于看到雨后的太阳，你将会比任何人都珍惜它
不要忘记，最起码我们还有物质上的安慰，
不用担心桌上的饮食，身上的衣服，安全的屋子..
最起码我们知道父母是谁
最起码我们还是健康的
当你失去这一切，那才是真正的痛苦
总会有人比你还要贫穷
也总会有人比你还要可怜
当你再次打开人生的书记
你将会发现，其实你成长了很多
我虽然行过死荫的幽谷，也不怕遭害。因为你与我同在。你的杖，你的竿，都安慰我。
诗篇23：4
每个人在不同的时间，不同的地方都会走过人生中‘死荫的幽谷’
或者你经历过，或者你正在经历，或者你将要经历更大的风浪
你可能会感觉自己已经失去了一切...
已经没有活下去的意义
但是，当你回过头，重新翻开生命的书籍，你将会发现，发生的每件事情都有它的原因
在伤感中，我们学会了刚强
在软弱中，我们看到了盼望
在堕落中，我们得到了自信
回忆不是虚空的，它是真的，它是你的
世界可以夺走你物质上的一切，但他夺不走你的回忆，夺不走你的亲情，恩情，感情
它们都是你的，只属于你一个人的
更何况在天上有一位从来没有放弃过我们的神
上帝的杖，上帝的竿，永不离弃
时间是最宝贵的
让我们学会珍惜每一秒，勇敢地活下去
手牵手，一起为生命而努力，为生命而奋斗吧！
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Why?
Why?
Why did humans get put into this world?
Why are we faced with so many numerous decisions every single day?
Why is it that some people can live such a happier lifestyle than others?
Why is it that one person can try so so so incredibly hard but not get anything in return?
Why is God so unfair...?
I'm tired.
Really really tired.
I just wish for once something can work out, that people will look beyond social status, academic recognition, achievements....
But to value who you really are, as a person.
Why is it that you try so hard for something, but never get it?
Whereas other people just are that tiny bit more luckier?
It's not fair.
It actually truly is not fair.
All I really want is just to start right back from ground zero.
Build my own life, away from everyone, everything.
Escape from reality, from the cruel world. From it's shadows... But mostly, from the past.
Maybe, just maybe, in another world, things might work out the way you want them to...
Why did humans get put into this world?
Why are we faced with so many numerous decisions every single day?
Why is it that some people can live such a happier lifestyle than others?
Why is it that one person can try so so so incredibly hard but not get anything in return?
Why is God so unfair...?
I'm tired.
Really really tired.
I just wish for once something can work out, that people will look beyond social status, academic recognition, achievements....
But to value who you really are, as a person.
Why is it that you try so hard for something, but never get it?
Whereas other people just are that tiny bit more luckier?
It's not fair.
It actually truly is not fair.
All I really want is just to start right back from ground zero.
Build my own life, away from everyone, everything.
Escape from reality, from the cruel world. From it's shadows... But mostly, from the past.
Maybe, just maybe, in another world, things might work out the way you want them to...
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
自责，内疚
真的对自己很失望
爸爸在中国说了多少次要低调,不可以张扬
要学会什么时候该说什么，什么时候该闭上我这最恨的嘴巴
就因为我这三寸不烂之舌，我已经闯了多少祸...真的是数不尽
今天又伤害了朋友...
对自己只有自责，生气，失望
为什么当我一进入感兴趣的话题就失去了理智...说说说个不停
好像我什么都懂似的
总是这样
骄傲...恨死自己了
到最后只有内疚，对她还有对我自己
不知道这个毛病什么时候才能改变
唉
明天真的不想去上学
不想面对别人
更重要的，妈妈又要走了...
不能跟别人承认，但其实她每次走我不只会想她，我会害怕
还记得上次梦中见到她出事...第二天醒来哭个不停
可能是因为姥姥去世的缘故吧...
但在别人面前只能装坚强
特别是在爸爸面前
妈妈大概觉得我对她的离别一点感情也没有吧...也对
装冷酷我早已经装习惯了
唉
就这样
里面又有那种想呕吐的感觉....
爸爸在中国说了多少次要低调,不可以张扬
要学会什么时候该说什么，什么时候该闭上我这最恨的嘴巴
就因为我这三寸不烂之舌，我已经闯了多少祸...真的是数不尽
今天又伤害了朋友...
对自己只有自责，生气，失望
为什么当我一进入感兴趣的话题就失去了理智...说说说个不停
好像我什么都懂似的
总是这样
骄傲...恨死自己了
到最后只有内疚，对她还有对我自己
不知道这个毛病什么时候才能改变
唉
明天真的不想去上学
不想面对别人
更重要的，妈妈又要走了...
不能跟别人承认，但其实她每次走我不只会想她，我会害怕
还记得上次梦中见到她出事...第二天醒来哭个不停
可能是因为姥姥去世的缘故吧...
但在别人面前只能装坚强
特别是在爸爸面前
妈妈大概觉得我对她的离别一点感情也没有吧...也对
装冷酷我早已经装习惯了
唉
就这样
里面又有那种想呕吐的感觉....
Sunday, 29 March 2009
New beginnings
I think I've finally clicked
态度决定人的高度
It's not about what you've been/is going through, who you think/believe you are, what your purpose in life is..
It's about your attitude.
I've been living the past seventeen years in this "feel-sorry-for-myself" "my-life-could-not-get-any-worse" downward-spiraling emoticon. It's always been: How come they got chosen and I didn't? How come I try so hard and don't get the recognition? How come they like them more? Blah blah. Well, I believe it's time I actually tried.
You never get anywhere unless you change your attitude.
A and B might've both failed something big. But A has the strength and the positivity to try harder next time, whereas B becomes consumed by self-doubt. Who would you want to be?
Looking back, I've wasted my life. I guess maybe it's because of my past, I've had good reason to be always doubting, lacking in self-confidence. But that only wins a look of sympathy from people. What I need, is a look of equality. It's time i actually tried moving on from my past. It's hard...without support, encouragement, understanding, from your own family, but I need to start taking responsibility of my own life.
When you build up strength inside yourself, that's when everything changes. Attitude begins from the heart.
That movie we watched at youth last night. Although it short, it was to the point. Beginning with a close up of an ordinary faced man, the zooming out showed he had no limbs. Only the central body and two feet. But you know what? Yes, the clip showed images of how he got through life, graduated, went to university...Yes, it showed commentaries of how he was on the brink of giving up...But trying to gain sympathy wasn't its focus. The movie showed a tiny man, standing up on a table in front of thousands of schoolkids, proving that looks don't matter. His body was distorted, but he sacrificed himself to give other encouragement. He rapped in front of them with what was left of his body - his feet. He fell down to prove a point. In life, you fall. And yes, you will fall again and again and again.. Until you feel like you just can't take it anymore. But again, you will fall.
But you know what? After every fall you can still stand up. It's hard for us 'normal' people, let alone someone with disabilities. But he stood up. With what was left of his body he stood up. He used his head, as a lever, to stand back onto his own two feet. Like this, every moment of his life bears witness to extraordinary strength of character.
If someone like him can stand again, why can't I?
In saying that, why can't everyone else?
Teenagers are so full of negativity these days.
Thinking about it, we have everything. A healthy body, family, friends, music, money... What more do we need? Why are people turning more and more emo?
What I think we are all searching for, is that meaning, the purpose, that constant support in our lives, and that's where I believe God fits in. Without him, I can state from the heart, that I would not exist right now.
Dear God, Thank you.
Maybe I haven't had the most happiest of childhoods, maybe I haven't had my equal share of belonging, maybe I've endured through more shadows that most... But God, I know that you put me through all this for a reason. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
Thank you for always being with me
Thank you for giving me the chance to cherish that tiny symbol of love
Thank you for allowing me to view others not from the bird's eye, but from eye-level.
Mum has a saying on her "100 things to do" painting:
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know
And to do that, it begins from the heart.
Dear God, like what I tell other people, the sun always shines after the rain. Tomorrow is a new day, and the start, of a new beginning. Dear God, give me the courage, the strength, and most importantly, the perseverance to stand strong after a fall. To cherish each and every moment, and to think positively in all circumstances. Dear God, again, I need you to help me.
:)
态度决定人的高度
It's not about what you've been/is going through, who you think/believe you are, what your purpose in life is..
It's about your attitude.
I've been living the past seventeen years in this "feel-sorry-for-myself" "my-life-could-not-get-any-worse" downward-spiraling emoticon. It's always been: How come they got chosen and I didn't? How come I try so hard and don't get the recognition? How come they like them more? Blah blah. Well, I believe it's time I actually tried.
You never get anywhere unless you change your attitude.
A and B might've both failed something big. But A has the strength and the positivity to try harder next time, whereas B becomes consumed by self-doubt. Who would you want to be?
Looking back, I've wasted my life. I guess maybe it's because of my past, I've had good reason to be always doubting, lacking in self-confidence. But that only wins a look of sympathy from people. What I need, is a look of equality. It's time i actually tried moving on from my past. It's hard...without support, encouragement, understanding, from your own family, but I need to start taking responsibility of my own life.
When you build up strength inside yourself, that's when everything changes. Attitude begins from the heart.
That movie we watched at youth last night. Although it short, it was to the point. Beginning with a close up of an ordinary faced man, the zooming out showed he had no limbs. Only the central body and two feet. But you know what? Yes, the clip showed images of how he got through life, graduated, went to university...Yes, it showed commentaries of how he was on the brink of giving up...But trying to gain sympathy wasn't its focus. The movie showed a tiny man, standing up on a table in front of thousands of schoolkids, proving that looks don't matter. His body was distorted, but he sacrificed himself to give other encouragement. He rapped in front of them with what was left of his body - his feet. He fell down to prove a point. In life, you fall. And yes, you will fall again and again and again.. Until you feel like you just can't take it anymore. But again, you will fall.
But you know what? After every fall you can still stand up. It's hard for us 'normal' people, let alone someone with disabilities. But he stood up. With what was left of his body he stood up. He used his head, as a lever, to stand back onto his own two feet. Like this, every moment of his life bears witness to extraordinary strength of character.
If someone like him can stand again, why can't I?
In saying that, why can't everyone else?
Teenagers are so full of negativity these days.
Thinking about it, we have everything. A healthy body, family, friends, music, money... What more do we need? Why are people turning more and more emo?
What I think we are all searching for, is that meaning, the purpose, that constant support in our lives, and that's where I believe God fits in. Without him, I can state from the heart, that I would not exist right now.
Dear God, Thank you.
Maybe I haven't had the most happiest of childhoods, maybe I haven't had my equal share of belonging, maybe I've endured through more shadows that most... But God, I know that you put me through all this for a reason. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
Thank you for always being with me
Thank you for giving me the chance to cherish that tiny symbol of love
Thank you for allowing me to view others not from the bird's eye, but from eye-level.
Mum has a saying on her "100 things to do" painting:
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know
And to do that, it begins from the heart.
Dear God, like what I tell other people, the sun always shines after the rain. Tomorrow is a new day, and the start, of a new beginning. Dear God, give me the courage, the strength, and most importantly, the perseverance to stand strong after a fall. To cherish each and every moment, and to think positively in all circumstances. Dear God, again, I need you to help me.
:)
Saturday, 21 March 2009
她和他的故事
一年的风风雨雨终于告一段落了...
没有欢笑，没有热情...
它们早已被空虚、冷漠、孤独、绝望替代了...
2008
故事的开头发生在年初的一段阳光明媚的下午。
她和她的朋友一起散步回家，在路上第一次碰到他。
刚开始的映像是：
他的名字怎么这么好笑？！
从此以后她和他常常一起走着上学、放学
谈笑风生随着风也逐渐地飘到未来...
女生总还是是敏感的.
到了第二学期，她开始发觉他对她的感情似乎超于普通朋友
可是明知这一点，她也没有太在意
直到第三学期，他约她一块去舞会...
她拒绝了
但他们还是好朋友
只是中间有种说不清的感情，复杂的关系...
最后学期，她似乎想给他一次机会
他们之间所谈的进入下一层台阶
可是这次，他真的向她表白了
而她也突然发觉不能在这样下去...
于是，她彻底拒绝他了
她对他说出的是那最残忍的一句话...
“对我来说，你只是朋友而已.”
没过几天，期末考结束了
而她也穿越遥远的太平洋，回到祖国的怀抱
心想，两个月，应该够他死心了吧...?
2009
她回来了
而他却一点也不理他
不知道他这假期过得如何？
她真的很想他，可是又不敢太明显的表达
深怕往年发生的事情再次重复
可是，她控制不住
有时，她会等着他一起上学
有时在班上她会跟他聊天...
有时，她会和他一起走回家
可是他却显得不在乎
他不再像以前那样在意她
他们之间在不知不觉中也诞生了一种尴尬的局面
所以，她决定成全他，给他他所要的空间
历史总还是会重复
在过去的一个月, 他突然又用那种期望的眼神看着她...
放学了，他会等着和她一起走回家
就算她走的在远，他也会跟上
她走得再快，他也会追上...
他看到她和别的男生在一起，他的脸会变得如此的可怕、冷漠
他给她的感觉总是那么的孤独...
可是却让她充满恐惧...
但晚上他还是会给她发亲切的短信与留言...
约她出来谈心
给她祝福
希望她快乐...
因为对他来说最痛苦的事情就是看到她伤心
可是，他却忘记给她呼吸的空间了
在这过程中，她是无辜的...
而她莫名其妙的却变成了受害者...
她真的怕了
真真切切地怕了
她不再想理他
他越努力的追，她却更努力的逃
她知道这样对他的伤害只能越来越深
可是她也失去了理智
她不想在这种恐惧中一直活下去
一天晚上，她和他最好的朋友在电话中聊天
他们决定他会和他谈
第二天，在教室的她手心上留着指甲印...
他的朋友给她发了短信
他说其实他不喜欢她
她没有说什么
只是逃出了教室...
她知道他的自尊心非常强
但她为自己也觉得很不公平
为什么你让我经历那么多，却不曾给我任何解释？
这样对我公平吗？
为什么你在我最忙碌的时候来打搅我的生活？
我根本不需要你的参与！
...她怒了，也哭了
她好矛盾...
为自己的不解，不公...
她很生气
可是她却更怕他承受不了再次被拒绝的痛，
所以他会选择逃避，选择隐藏...
他的自尊真的比任何人都还要强
她知道，这次他能这么大胆的追...
现在他心里的感受一定如同波涛在横排
可是她又能怎么办呢...?
她不想面对他，因为她现在已经没有理由也没有勇气再面对他
而他也不再追她，不再等着她...
一年的风风雨雨难道就在这种莫名其妙的状况地下告一段落了吗...？
结局难道就是两败俱伤吗...？
没有一个人是开心的，是幸福的
留下的却是空虚、冷漠、孤独、绝望...
但谁也不知道，在未来的一年里，他们有没有可能回到肩并肩的日子
"朋友"这两个字能再次用来形容她和他之间的关系吗？
谁也不知道...
生活中又一段小故事，小回忆，难道就这样莫名其妙的画上句号了吗...?
没有欢笑，没有热情...
它们早已被空虚、冷漠、孤独、绝望替代了...
2008
故事的开头发生在年初的一段阳光明媚的下午。
她和她的朋友一起散步回家，在路上第一次碰到他。
刚开始的映像是：
他的名字怎么这么好笑？！
从此以后她和他常常一起走着上学、放学
谈笑风生随着风也逐渐地飘到未来...
女生总还是是敏感的.
到了第二学期，她开始发觉他对她的感情似乎超于普通朋友
可是明知这一点，她也没有太在意
直到第三学期，他约她一块去舞会...
她拒绝了
但他们还是好朋友
只是中间有种说不清的感情，复杂的关系...
最后学期，她似乎想给他一次机会
他们之间所谈的进入下一层台阶
可是这次，他真的向她表白了
而她也突然发觉不能在这样下去...
于是，她彻底拒绝他了
她对他说出的是那最残忍的一句话...
“对我来说，你只是朋友而已.”
没过几天，期末考结束了
而她也穿越遥远的太平洋，回到祖国的怀抱
心想，两个月，应该够他死心了吧...?
2009
她回来了
而他却一点也不理他
不知道他这假期过得如何？
她真的很想他，可是又不敢太明显的表达
深怕往年发生的事情再次重复
可是，她控制不住
有时，她会等着他一起上学
有时在班上她会跟他聊天...
有时，她会和他一起走回家
可是他却显得不在乎
他不再像以前那样在意她
他们之间在不知不觉中也诞生了一种尴尬的局面
所以，她决定成全他，给他他所要的空间
历史总还是会重复
在过去的一个月, 他突然又用那种期望的眼神看着她...
放学了，他会等着和她一起走回家
就算她走的在远，他也会跟上
她走得再快，他也会追上...
他看到她和别的男生在一起，他的脸会变得如此的可怕、冷漠
他给她的感觉总是那么的孤独...
可是却让她充满恐惧...
但晚上他还是会给她发亲切的短信与留言...
约她出来谈心
给她祝福
希望她快乐...
因为对他来说最痛苦的事情就是看到她伤心
可是，他却忘记给她呼吸的空间了
在这过程中，她是无辜的...
而她莫名其妙的却变成了受害者...
她真的怕了
真真切切地怕了
她不再想理他
他越努力的追，她却更努力的逃
她知道这样对他的伤害只能越来越深
可是她也失去了理智
她不想在这种恐惧中一直活下去
一天晚上，她和他最好的朋友在电话中聊天
他们决定他会和他谈
第二天，在教室的她手心上留着指甲印...
他的朋友给她发了短信
他说其实他不喜欢她
她没有说什么
只是逃出了教室...
她知道他的自尊心非常强
但她为自己也觉得很不公平
为什么你让我经历那么多，却不曾给我任何解释？
这样对我公平吗？
为什么你在我最忙碌的时候来打搅我的生活？
我根本不需要你的参与！
...她怒了，也哭了
她好矛盾...
为自己的不解，不公...
她很生气
可是她却更怕他承受不了再次被拒绝的痛，
所以他会选择逃避，选择隐藏...
他的自尊真的比任何人都还要强
她知道，这次他能这么大胆的追...
现在他心里的感受一定如同波涛在横排
可是她又能怎么办呢...?
她不想面对他，因为她现在已经没有理由也没有勇气再面对他
而他也不再追她，不再等着她...
一年的风风雨雨难道就在这种莫名其妙的状况地下告一段落了吗...？
结局难道就是两败俱伤吗...？
没有一个人是开心的，是幸福的
留下的却是空虚、冷漠、孤独、绝望...
但谁也不知道，在未来的一年里，他们有没有可能回到肩并肩的日子
"朋友"这两个字能再次用来形容她和他之间的关系吗？
谁也不知道...
生活中又一段小故事，小回忆，难道就这样莫名其妙的画上句号了吗...?
Monday, 16 March 2009
Lost in Translation
Who am I?
I don't know
What am I doing?
I don't know
Where do I belong?
I don't know
I don't know anything anymore.
I thought I went through this, two weeks ago. I thought I was over all this "self-searching". I thought I was happy...
finally.
Apparently not.
Is it cause of the lack of sleep? I don't know.
Everyday, it just feels like I'm drifting... School, activities, home, piano, more activities, work...
What am I actually doing?
Again, I don't know.
I know the Bible says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."
but what is there left to trust Him about?
Once you've been through so much trauma, you actually begin to wonder...
...sometimes...
God, if you're really there...
Where actually are You?
Because You know what...?
I need You right now.
I need a meaning and a purpose.
But most importantly, I need hope and strength.
Because what's left of it has basically gone.
I don't know
What am I doing?
I don't know
Where do I belong?
I don't know
I don't know anything anymore.
I thought I went through this, two weeks ago. I thought I was over all this "self-searching". I thought I was happy...
finally.
Apparently not.
Is it cause of the lack of sleep? I don't know.
Everyday, it just feels like I'm drifting... School, activities, home, piano, more activities, work...
What am I actually doing?
Again, I don't know.
I know the Bible says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."
but what is there left to trust Him about?
Once you've been through so much trauma, you actually begin to wonder...
...sometimes...
God, if you're really there...
Where actually are You?
Because You know what...?
I need You right now.
I need a meaning and a purpose.
But most importantly, I need hope and strength.
Because what's left of it has basically gone.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
在友情和爱情中，你会选择哪一项？
生气.郁闷.
我不喜欢你.
I don't like you.
请问这以上这几个字中你哪个不理解？
不吗...？
No吗...？
我从不认识你到拒绝你,已经整整一年了
还以为两月已足足够你忘记我
看来我错了
我承认，刚回到新西兰时我是有那么一点点的想你
那么一点点地想回到以前的友谊
那么一点点地想过去的点点滴滴
可是现在，你不但不给我呼吸的空间，反而要等着我
以前是我等着和你一块走
一起嘻嘻哈哈个不停
而现在却变成我想逃，你却不停地在后面追
我生气了
我害怕了
到底怎么才能真正的让你死心？
那友谊呢？
我俩之间能再次达成这种协议吗？
可是...我又害怕，我会想你
而到那时，我再次会伤害你吗？
心...
好乱.好烦.好痛.
我不喜欢你.
I don't like you.
请问这以上这几个字中你哪个不理解？
不吗...？
No吗...？
我从不认识你到拒绝你,已经整整一年了
还以为两月已足足够你忘记我
看来我错了
我承认，刚回到新西兰时我是有那么一点点的想你
那么一点点地想回到以前的友谊
那么一点点地想过去的点点滴滴
可是现在，你不但不给我呼吸的空间，反而要等着我
以前是我等着和你一块走
一起嘻嘻哈哈个不停
而现在却变成我想逃，你却不停地在后面追
我生气了
我害怕了
到底怎么才能真正的让你死心？
那友谊呢？
我俩之间能再次达成这种协议吗？
可是...我又害怕，我会想你
而到那时，我再次会伤害你吗？
心...
好乱.好烦.好痛.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
